Book Fifty-Three: A Lesson Before Dying

Book Fifty-Three: A Lesson Before Dying
Finished: October 20
Pages: 256

I'm teaching this book to two of my classes at school, but I wish I was teaching it to them all. Reading this and The Help at the same time really makes me feel shitty about being white.
Sometimes I see myself as Grant, a cynical struggling teacher with no real talent that people respect because they aren't really aware of just how awful a teacher he is. Now, I don't beat my children with a ruler, but I think that all teachers are guilty of taking their anger and hurt out on students who did not cause those particular problems. Heaven knows when my students complained about writing a one page essay about the book I jumped down their throats. Sometimes I think that good literature is wasted on those who cannot appreciate it, but need to hear the message the most.
The suffering of Jefferson, having heard himself called a hog, having internalized his lack of worth, just breaks my heart. Even Grant, who I generally dislike throughout the book, I could only sympathize with him. If someone asked me to turn a person like Jefferson into a man before he was executed, I don't have the faintest idea what I would do to try to create that change.
My hope is that I would be like Paul, were I a white person in the 1940's. I think every white person wishes to be the most likeable white character in a novel like this. No one wants to be the actively racist Sheriff, or his wife, who pretends to be sympathetic but really just feels awkward. I suppose I would maybe like to be like Grant, who regains his faith and loses some of his cynicism by the end of the novel. I would like to give the grandiose speeches that reach into the soul of the person I am trying to reach, and open them up to new ideas and new self-respect.
I suppose that is the purpose of great literature, to show us how we could be better, to reflect back upon us our insecurities and doubts so that, when faced with impossible situations, we can try to figure out how to deal with them with grace.

Good Reading,
Caitlin